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Originally published Sunday, May 5, 2013 at 6:07 AM

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Adjust those blinders for a better view a-Stern

The Wrap by Ron Judd

Seattle Times staff columnist

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Here in the Wrap Department, we were at a loss for words.

You expect life to throw a few curveballs, for bumps to rise in the road, for keys to snap off in locks, for your star tight end to drive a car through a nursing home, and for various other unexpected-bad-luck clichés to come to life.

But this? Ethically challenged megalomaniac David Stern and his rat’s nest of thieving co-conspirators acting like duplicitous liars on a matter of supposed great import to two major U.S. cities?

Nobody could have seen that one coming. Not in a million years. Or apparently even five.

More blind eyes:

For the Record: Lots of blather about the contrast between Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson and Seattle’s civic leadership in 2008, when Howie Schultz was selling the Sonics out the back door. People inside the sports bubble can’t seem to grasp the fact that local pols, in refusing to assume the position and “save the Sonics” by reopening the civic checkbook, were actually representing the will of the people — the vast majority of whom said hell no to propping up a corrupt enterprise with public money.

Hot News Tip: By any objective measure, most of those people feel the exact same way today.

A Tradition Unlike Any Other: Quite the scene downtown on May Day, with hundreds of news photographers shooting pictures of dozens of videographers capturing footage of a handful of shiftless riffraff — partially for news purposes, but mostly for later posting on Facebook.

We Interrupt Jeopardy to Bring You … Nothing: Those “riots” must’ve been earth-shattering, as local TV stations devoted two-thirds of their 11 p.m. newscasts to the brazen spectacle. They barely had time for their primary reason for existence, the weather.

Oh, the Humanity: No offense to those caught up in pepper spray and flash bangs. But we’re pretty sure we felt Ernie Pyle spinning in his grave right near the end of that first-person (what else?) report from KING5’s Chris Daniels about the harrowing trauma of being Silly Stringed on the mean streets of Seattle.

Attention, Trek: If you were paying attention last week, you’re already working on an Urban Commando Hybrid Police Assault Bike with a front rock shield and dual pepper-spray cannons.

Speaking of Silly String: Times editorial columnist Jonathan Martin posed an interesting question last week: Can Mayor Mike McGinn learn from his mistakes? Our take: If he could, wouldn’t he be a genius by now?

Just Win — Or at Least Sorta Try — Baby: Seattle Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik accidentally revealed the guiding principle of America’s national-punch-line pro-sports franchise last week, telling KJR radio that impatient fans who focus on wins and losses, and not the team’s excellent minor-league system, are “missing the big picture.”

Gallows-Humor Barb of the Week Award: To whoever raised the question of whether the person with the starter gun at the next major track event that includes accused murderer Oscar Pistorius will fire off four shots.

And Finally: New measures against Somali pirates have been so effective that the lawless scalawags have been unable to mount a successful hijacking in almost a year. That leaves Comcast as the primary thieving-pirate establishment on the planet last year.

Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at or 206-464-8280.

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About The Wrap / Ron Judd

"The Wrap" appears on Sundays, highlighting the absurd and providing the punch line to the week's news headlines.


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