OK, granted: Boeing’s latest contract offer to its Machinists union might look like an attempt to distance itself from all competitors in the American race to the bottom.
On the surface, in fact, the company’s kiss-our-tail-section bravado bears an uncanny resemblance to the endearing franchise-extortion model taught at the David Stern Academy of Business Ethics.
But look deeper: Unlike some cynics who have dismissed Boeing’s offer as “crap,” Mr. Wrap recognizes the company’s understated civic-mindedness at work here. Boeing is actually trying to be a good corporate citizen by pulling off a sort of reverse cultural-enrichment project.
Their only point: Since it’s so darn expensive to pack up all those riveters and move to the poverty-wage Deep South, why not bring a bit of the Deep South right here to the uppity Northwest?
More guns/heads, and meetings thereof:
Speaking of Crap Offers: State lawmakers assure they’ve received “ironclad guarantees” that yet another massive corporate-welfare gift to Boeing would lead to exclusive assembly of the 777x in Puget Sound. You can take that to the bank — which, incidentally, also has promised not to risk all your funds by investing in bogus mortgage derivatives and other pyramid schemes.
Seriously: Has anyone else noticed that the sole punishment for violating said “guarantee” is cancellation of the company’s lucrative tax breaks? That will put the fear of God in them as they trot off to a lowest-bidding, right-to-work-for-free state.
Really Seriously: Mr. Wrap takes House Finance Committee Chairman Reuven Carlyle at his word that extending tax breaks for Boeing is like recommitting to a long marriage — to Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Really, Really Seriously: We kid Boeing, once of Seattle, but it’s important to remember that the company is led by some of America’s best/brightest management — the same geniuses who forked over $30 billion to save a few hundred million in production costs by subcontracting the 787 Dreamsmoker to a subsidiary of Duraflame.
McSchwinn, We Barely Knew Ye: Mr. Wrap cannot properly express his shock and grief that the people of Seattle have failed to embrace the leadership vision for the city espoused by Mayor Mike McGinn, who reportedly was just about to get around to putting it down on paper.
What’s That, Lassie? Timmy’s Still in the Well? Stunned by the slam-dunk rejection of his latest ballot-box demon spawn, the “initiative on initiatives,” political huckster Tim Eyman is expected to announce a new campaign to seek signatures for an initiative on initiatives on initiatives.
Speaking of Non-Winners: Eyman should send flowers to the Class A Seattle Mariners — the only local institution that saves him from being the most perennial loser in modern regional history.
Top Pot Plot: Tough luck for that state crew still trying to trap a black bear that bit a Long Beach woman and smote her pet schnauzer. But they should have known there’d be no room in the cage for a bruin once the scent of the beer-and-doughnuts bait was picked up by Golden Tate.
Note on Above: You guys are using the good beer, yes?
And Finally: Hearty congrats to the incoming Hizzoner, Ed Murray. Enjoy the honeymoon, then get ready for this week.
Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org or 206-464-8280.
About The Wrap / Ron Judd
"The Wrap" appears on Sundays, highlighting the absurd and providing the punch line to the week's news headlines.