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Originally published Sunday, March 23, 2014 at 5:30 AM

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Hey, SPD: Time to reexamine that reopening policy?

The Wrap by Ron Judd

Seattle Times staff columnist

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Nice little pile of guano that the Seattle Police Department’s crack false-headline division stepped into.

The SPD, which seems to be a lot more proficient these days at comedy sketches than actual police work, caused a stir when it told (or didn’t tell; versions vary) KIRO-TV that it was taking a fresh look at the death of Kurt Cobain, in anticipation of media interest generated by the 20th anniversary of his death.

The cop shop quickly clarified that this was a simple “re-examination,” not “reopening” of the case, since the only new thing in the case was the discovery of a few rolls of worthless crime-scene film. Later, the SPD released a gripping snapshot of a drug-paraphernalia cigar box.

Moral of the story: Just like in the music biz, when it comes to police evidence, there’s usually good reason that something has been “previously unreleased.”

Meanwhile, we anxiously await the valuable expenditure of public money to take a fresh look at “new evidence” in the mysterious passing of local celebrity gorillas Bobo and Fifi.

More false leads:

Speaking of Deceased Icons: Couldn’t help notice that Washington State Ferries christened its new boat, “Tokitae,” the other day. For non-locals, the latest unpronounceable ferry name is a native word that translates roughly to “Ivar Haglund.”

Breaking Spy News: Our nation’s crack movie-set espionage team has discovered that Iran is building an expensive, non-working mock-up of the American aircraft carrier USS Nimitz. Word is that they were inspired by Lockheed Martin, which is building an expensive, non-working mock-up of a stealth fighter, the F-35.

Speaking of Groundings: Actual quote from CNN anchor opening yet another hour of Malaysian jet coverage: “We’re covering the story the way only CNN can.” Um, that’s exactly what concerns us.

The Week in the Arts: Raise your hand if you simply can’t resist the lure of matinees of “The Lego Movie.” Nothing stirs the soul — or screams “America” — like theatrical treatment of small chunks of plastic.

Note to the White House: We get the urgency of trying to sell Obamacare before the sign-up deadline. But having the prez make a selfie video as he zip-lined off the Washington Monument was one step over the line.

Buzzed, Redefined: Some Starbucks stores plan to serve alcohol in the evenings. Awesome. We can text in our order while driving and pick it up at the drive-thru, right?

Straight From the Headlines: U.S. Rep. Doc Hastings’ Central Washington district received the most federal money — some $3,752 per resident — from the 2009 stimulus act, which he of course opposed and portrayed as a key to ruining the country. Anyone surprised?

Going Straight to Heck: The theme of the country-music video for the campaign of congressional candidate Clint Didier, R-Federal Teat, is “Gonna Be Hell to Pay.” Apparently “Okie From Eltopia” and “If You’ve Got the Money, Honey, I’ve Got the Time” were already taken.

And Finally: Nice to see the creative thinking behind a new tidal-energy project proposed for Admiralty Inlet. We’re still worried, though, that Snohomish County PUD customers are never going to get used to having their lights on for only six hours at a time.

Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at or 206-464-8280.

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