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Originally published Thursday, December 19, 2013 at 7:11 PM

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What do you get someone who has everything?

The Seattle Times

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What, you think it’s easy gift-shopping for a supermodel wife?

“,” said Patriots QB Tom Brady, letting in on his secret. “I probably keep them in business. It’s (even) hard to find your wife something on”

Here’s guessing Giselle Bundchen won’t be getting a Wes Welker bobblehead this year.

Tool time

NASCAR suspended a Ty Dillon pit crewman for throwing a hammer at rival Kevin Harvick’s truck.

Or as eye-for-an-eye advocates prefer to say: They nailed him.

What’s happening, Willis?

In “A Good Day to Die Hard,” judged the worst movie of 2013 by, actor Bruce Willis:

a) goes to Russia to get his estranged son out of prison.

b) quarterbacks the Cowboys in a second-half collapse against the Packers.

Winging it

“Good news, Cowboy fans,” wrote blogger TC Chong. “Every time Tony Romo throws a pick, an angel gets its wings.”

Tough assignment

A researcher claims he can translate “dolphin talk” into human language.

Oh, yeah? Let’s see him decipher Richie Incognito.

Search me

Among the least-Googled sports terms of 2013, from

• “New York Yankees playoff tickets (did you mean: high-priced elder-care facilities)”

• “Reputable NFL concussion studies (did you mean: tobacco industry research)”

• “Derrick Rose stats (did you mean: MRIs of knees)”

• “Eli Manning + ELITE (did you mean: Eli Manning + single-season interceptions record)”

Let’s go for six

Arkansas State has hired North Carolina offensive coordinator Blake Anderson— making him the school’s fifth head football coach in five seasons.

No word on who the Red Wolves plan to hire next year.

Talking the talk

• RJ Currie of, after 11 of the Winnipeg Jets’ first 32 games ended in a draw: “Even silk worms don’t find themselves in so many ties.”

• Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, on the Heat’s fortunes this season: “The great hope is being able to count on Greg Oden. The great fear is having to.”

• Ill-fated Rob Gronkowski tweet from Dec. 19, 2011: “ooo look who it is … my partner in crime! @AaronHernandez Follow him people!”

• Comic Torben Rolfsen, with a sure sign of too much Christmas shopping: “My friend thought Armani and Old Navy were playing on TV.”

Nonstop dunks

The NBA is rolling out five TV games over 11½ hours on Christmas Day.

Who knew that “five lords a-leaping” referred to a basketball team?

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or

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