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Originally published February 25, 2014 at 6:29 PM | Page modified February 25, 2014 at 10:16 PM

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You can lead a blind dog to the meat market but ...

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Let’s just say that Dee Ford isn’t a card-carrying member of the Jadeveon Clowney Fan Club.

“I’m better,” the Auburn defensive end told Sirius XM radio during the NFL combine. “People are just looking at the fact that he is a physical specimen.

“Honestly, if you watch the film, he plays like a blind dog in a meat market, basically.”


• At “Knicks promise fans season will be over in just 50 days.”

• At “Pitchers, catchers report to spring-training bars.”

Medal detector on tilt

The Netherlands won 23 of the 36 speedskating medals awarded at the Sochi Olympics, including 8 of the 12 gold.

And to think, the Dutch were once agog when Hans Brinker simply came home with the silver.

Round Mound of Mulligan

Charles Barkley turned 51 last week.

Then he capped his big day by golfing his age, in just three holes.

Sochi goes Selig

Russia led the Winter Olympics with 33 total medals.

“That’s important,” noted ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, “because the country with the most medals gets the best parking spot at the United Nations for the next two years.”

Tiny bite out of crime

Three Oklahoma football players had to cough up $3.83 apiece in restitution after it was determined that they — gasp — ate more pasta than NCAA rules allow at a graduation banquet.

Though eye-for-an-eye NCAA hard-liners wanted them whipped with a wet noodle instead.

Here’s a scoop

The Rosario Central-River Plate soccer match in Argentina was momentarily interrupted when a dog went on the field and did his business.

Apparently the pooch heard a player calling for a drop.

Talking the talk

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, on why Dennis Rodman is returning to North Korea soon: “Kim Jong Un needs help loading nuclear warheads and getting the cookies down from the top shelf.”

• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, after QB Johnny Manziel’s height measured 5 feet 11¾ at the NFL scouting combine: “However, his ego was measured at 7-6½.”

• Comic Torben Rolfsen, after Canucks winger David Booth bagged an alligator in Florida during the Olympic break: “It’s the first thing he’s gotten into a net in a while.”

• Scott Ostler of The San Francisco Chronicle, on speculation the Raiders might re-sign injury-prone RB Darren McFadden: “Why? That ship has sailed — and been disabled by an iceberg.”

Happy now?

Colorado and Washington rank seventh and ninth among the nation’s happiest states, according to the latest Gallup findings.

Which was obviously determined well before Super Bowl Sunday.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or

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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports. | 206-464-8250


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