'White Girl?': Comments from readers

I am a black woman who has a black father and a white mother. Kim looks like she could be my sister. I just wanted to tell Lonnae that it all starts with the parents. My great-uncle, a very light skinned black man was Malcolm X's lawyer. He was the first African-American borough President of Manhattan, NY. Although my father is himself a mix of Native American, African-American and Irish, it was always understood that he was black and my sisters and I were too. When I was a kid, I asked questions about race. Like, "Daddy, how did you feel when your first baby came out looking so white?" I was asked why I felt I looked white. Because my skin is white, I answered. Ah but there's more to your looks than that, I was told. (The part where you said black women can tell when someone's got some color in them. It's true, it's one of my favorite skills!) My mother, a white woman, when filling out forms for camps and the like would always check the box marked 'African-American' and dare people to challenge it. She was as strong in her feelings as my father. If not for my home life, I might've had a hard time when I was older. As someone who could pass, I never wanted to. In fact, the opposite was always true. I was always the lightest kid in a group, in a class on a block.

I would've sold my soul to be a few shades darker, just a few, my hair have just a little more curl. My bottom lip is nice and full but when my sister wanted to be a mean pest, she used to point out that when I smiled, my lips practically disappeared. Oh no!

My friends were ruthless, but without malice. They called me zebra, white-girl, (the boys I grew up with who now are men still call me that when I walk through my old neighborhood), oreo. As a child and teen I laughed right along with them at these names, proudly saying, yup, that's me! Inside I was crying, did they never get tired of hurting me? Didn't they realize I was tired of sticking out like a sore thumb, having people laugh at my most embarrassing trait, my white skin? But what I finally learned was that they never knew it hurt, they always assumed that since I knew I was one of them anyway, I'd find it funny too. I was someone little, cute, easy and fun to tease. I had a friend who was very dark, they called him names too. Black, Mandingo and the like. But they were terms of endearment. They always had my back and they taught me, among other things, that racism exists, some people are mean, some people don't like white people, some don't like black people and so what. There's no point in being bitter someone out there accepts who you are and you can change the world one person at a time.

In high school a girl once asked me, what it was like to have a white mother. I thought real hard and said I don't know, she's just like any other mother. After all, I'd never had a black mother to compare her to! My parents grew up in the same town, went to the same high school, had the same level of education and same economic background. There never felt like a meeting of two cultures in my home. My mother hung out well with my black family. My father hung out equally easily with my white family. I say I'm black because I was raised to know that I am black. I know of the struggle, I've experienced the racism of our society firsthand. A white girl I was friends with at a job once asked me during a conversation about what kind of men we liked, why I had never tried going out with a white man. I said because I didn't know any my own age. I only knew young black men. They were the only type of man who'd ever tried to pick me up in this great city of ours. They were beautiful to me, everything I wanted my sons to be. It's funny, my two sons have one white grandmother, and they are as light and kink-less as me, and boy do I find them beautiful.

Old hurts don't have to hurt forever, Lonnae. You learn and grow from them, then they don't hurt so much anymore. When I think of the discrimination I've encountered, I don't feel bitter, I feel amused and sorry for the perpetrator. I know so much more than they do. And I'm lucky, cause I'm privy to all those inside jokes -- on both sides. I get to enlighten people of both races because it's easy being me.

Get your white friends and black friends together for dinner at your house and trot out all the old stereotypes about each other that make you laugh and even cringe. Talk about them honestly and with a little grain of salt. Neither of you has to change the way you discipline your kids, but you can understand what's different and the same, and accept one another for who you are.

You and Kim can now change the world. And you're doing it a little faster than me, more like ten people at a time.

Cheryl Atwell, Brooklyn

I was extremely offended by the white woman who sat on your show and asked the infamous questions, "Why should white people apologize for slavery?" and "How long are they (white people) going to be blamed?" How dare she make these statements. America can discuss the atrocities that have taken place all over the world but the atrocity that took place right here on our own soil, we should just sweep away. I am the granddaughter of a slave. That's right My father's father was a slave and I am only 37 years old. This is real and fresh for me.

This white woman fails to understand that she has benefited from slavery. Everything she has, everything that was passed down to her, everything that she looks at, my ancestors either created it, built it, worked on it, took care of it and did not receive anything but the separation of their family, the rape of their women and children and 400 years of bondage.

Unless this woman and other white people who feel the way she does, atones for the sins of their ancestors, the healing in this nation cannot begin. She needs to know that what she wants to do to her Asian child is the same as white people of the past did to my ancestor, Obliterate their heritage. That baby needs to know who she is, she too is a person of COLOR.

Carolyn C. Blair, Balitmore, MD

It's amazing that in this day and time in America we are still so stigmatized by skin color. We have some individuals who deny their own heritage because of racism and another who does not know the true history of this country. Many individuals do not know American history fail to understand the sacrifices and accomplishments of African-Americans. This is in response to the white woman who commented that she is tired of hearing that white people living in America are responsible for the acts of their ancestors with regard to mistreatment of black folk. I guess slavery, Jim Crow, and racial discrimination are myths. ------ I agree with her because I am tired of making those claims. America has benefited greatly from the contributions of my people... a world without black people would be a world without many essentials of American life. Without black people there would be no peanut butter, no ironing board, no comb, no lawn mower, no blood bank, no electric trolley which led to bus service, no traffic lights, no elevator. So you see, "White Girl" has no reason to feel bad about her race and the the white woman has to admit that her entire ancestry has benefited from black people. So since white American cannot repay the individuals who participated in forced immigration (slavery), the least American (white) could do is adequately compensate their descendants by at least apologizing.

Floyd R. Blair, Baltimore, MD

After reading your article, I had to step back and take a hard look at the way I feel about race. Do I still believe that people should have to choose one race over another? Once upon a time, I would have said yes, but as one grows more comfortable with one's self, I know who I am, and those who can't see past a person's skin color, are losing out on life's master plan: a life full of interesting people and experiences.

Tony L. Bullock, N. Las Vegas, NV

I am white and was REALLY moved by the story!! In reading the story, the fact that I was dealing with an intellect far superior to my own was quite obvious. It is so sad and unfortunate that people judge one by the color of their skin rather than the content of their character. Being a handicapped individual, I encounter discrimination from people of every color. Unfortunately, it mostly emanates from black people. The stares and snickers because of my awkward gait really saddens and hurts me. What did I ever do to them? Perhaps it comes from a high percentage of blacks because of the environment in which I associate. In the past, this really hurt me but now I simply chalk it up to ignorance and the lack of good judgment and consideration. In closing, keep up the GOOD work and keep the writing flowing! But, most of all keep the lines of communication and understanding open.

Vincent N. Cavo, Utica, NY

I am a biracial Black woman. I am a extremely light Black female. I could be your white neighbor if you don't really know Me. I spent some of my teen years in a small town where I was the ONLY Black person in the whole town. But if you didn't know me you wouldn't know I am Black. I really respected Lonnae's article and somewhat understood what her cousin Kim was thinking. If I hadn't had a strong Black mother I would have never even thought I could be Black or that I was any different from my white friends. But I was raised to know my heritage and grow from it. I find it hard though to be Black but not in the ways Lonnae finds being Black in her life. She struggles with pure racialism that still is here. She has memories of a hard past and anger for the meanness that has been allowed and even taught to many people. I myself struggle with proving daily that I am "Black enough to hang". I have even been asked by other Blacks to prove that I am Black. I have been called "wannabe" and "wigger" and "porch monkey" or "house ####". I always have marked Black in the race box then have had the looks from white employers among some others about me doing so. "Why would you put that?" I have been asked. "You are white", which gets the reply "Yes I am White but I am ALSO Black". So why don't you mark White I am asked. To which I reply "Because I am also Black!"

Why do we in this world have to choose when biracial a certain race anyway?

I don't have an answer for that. I can say I choose because for me you can see my whiteness, but you need to know about my blackness. You need to know about the struggles of my mother who is past away now and the struggles and lives of her family. You know about the lives of my white ancestors, you can easily read and do easily learn that in school. But I want you to hear about my story and that of my family. That is why I always mark Black because I am proud of my Blackness! I do not always fit the Black girl mold or to some act Black enough . Your opinion of me is fine and I sometimes even listen to it. I know who I am and I am strong in that point. I am Black and White. I have a very rich background and history. I have even uncovered the slavery in Whales of my European fathers family. I am growing through my experiences Of being biracial. I am growing through raising a son that is Irish, African, Italian, Welsh, and Puerto Rican. Now there's a biracial person!

We all must listen to the untold stories and learn life lessons from one another to finally become a strong community. It is time that all our stories were told and the past resolved. I know that living in the past will never help you live in the now and grow for the future, whatever it holds. Listen...Hear...Learn...Grow...and Pass It On.

Jennifer, Seattle, WA

Copyright © 2001 The Seattle Times Company